Depression rears it's ugly head again



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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby waltdogg » Thu Jun 01, 2017 7:42 pm

jwar wrote:I have a few people to talk to and I do, but sometimes the people I try to talk to won't really listen or let me get what I need to out of my head before they add their input, so it's not always helpful. The older I get, the less and less I seem to be around other people. I mean, outside of the gym and such. It's kind of sad really.

Com-I feel you on the job thing. I'm a stay at home dad basically, so what I do now is the only way I can make money. My kids are out of school and my littlest won't be big enough to go to school full time for another year or so. I'm basically stuck as well and when I am not, I'll be in the same situation of "ok I can do this job basically to be social but it will be some shit job that requires no skills and I'll hate it". Plus I will have to find someone to work with my hours, which doesn't always happen.

That's why I'm doing the real estate. Yes there are expenses. For instance, I just shelled out 850 last week to install a garage door opener, new springs and new pulleys.

The upside to that is that I won't have to do it again. For instance, let's say I have to buy an HVAC unit. It will probably run me 5k (if I'm lucky) for the full unit. Well, after that, it's good for probably 20 years. The chances of me owning that property in 20 years is extremely slim. My end goal is to own commercial property. I'm wanting either a funeral home, storage facility, or a crematorium (this is the one I want the most). I know that seems morbid, but people always die and it's a solid business. They do not come up for sale often though and I'd be looking at probably a 2 mil investment. In five years though, if I keep moving, that won't be a big deal.

I just have to keep growing. That's the name of that game. Grow, collect equity, grow, sell...etc. You're just trying to get enough capital for the end goal. Shit apartment complexes are great as well. They are a pain in the ass but they make a fuck ton of money. Or retirement communities. I've got a lot of idea. So I'm ok in that regard. It's just the other shit.

sorry if i did that messaging you. i was just really worried you'd do something rash.

anyways, good luck and i'm pulling for you.
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby codetocontra » Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:33 pm

Genuinely intetested in your business savvy. Probably not the right time or place to ask you more about it.
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby actual » Fri Jun 02, 2017 12:00 am

jwar wrote:but people always die and it's a solid business.


This
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby JonnyAngle » Fri Jun 02, 2017 12:46 am

jwar wrote:I have a few people to talk to and I do, but sometimes the people I try to talk to won't really listen or let me get what I need to out of my head before they add their input, so it's not always helpful. The older I get, the less and less I seem to be around other people. I mean, outside of the gym and such. It's kind of sad really.

Com-I feel you on the job thing. I'm a stay at home dad basically, so what I do now is the only way I can make money. My kids are out of school and my littlest won't be big enough to go to school full time for another year or so. I'm basically stuck as well and when I am not, I'll be in the same situation of "ok I can do this job basically to be social but it will be some shit job that requires no skills and I'll hate it". Plus I will have to find someone to work with my hours, which doesn't always happen.

That's why I'm doing the real estate. Yes there are expenses. For instance, I just shelled out 850 last week to install a garage door opener, new springs and new pulleys.

The upside to that is that I won't have to do it again. For instance, let's say I have to buy an HVAC unit. It will probably run me 5k (if I'm lucky) for the full unit. Well, after that, it's good for probably 20 years. The chances of me owning that property in 20 years is extremely slim. My end goal is to own commercial property. I'm wanting either a funeral home, storage facility, or a crematorium (this is the one I want the most). I know that seems morbid, but people always die and it's a solid business. They do not come up for sale often though and I'd be looking at probably a 2 mil investment. In five years though, if I keep moving, that won't be a big deal.

I just have to keep growing. That's the name of that game. Grow, collect equity, grow, sell...etc. You're just trying to get enough capital for the end goal. Shit apartment complexes are great as well. They are a pain in the ass but they make a fuck ton of money. Or retirement communities. I've got a lot of idea. So I'm ok in that regard. It's just the other shit.

Residential properties are peanuts compared to commercial properties.

Are you looking to own the business or just the buildings?
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby Jesus Was a Robot » Fri Jun 02, 2017 9:41 am

waltdogg wrote:sorry if i did that messaging you. i was just really worried you'd do something rash.

anyways, good luck and i'm pulling for you.



Not at all! Sorry I should have been more clear. It's people that are around me all the time that I feel like don't listen. I've had a lot of pain this last year and have had an extremely difficult time processing it. You guys rock though and you do help me.

I did talk to my best friend last night and that helped a lot. We've been friends for 25 years, so I can talk to him about anything. He helped me though my feelings about my dog being put down.


codetocontra wrote:Genuinely intetested in your business savvy. Probably not the right time or place to ask you more about it.


Some time I can start a thread about it or if you come to the Midwest meet up we can talk about it! :) I have some help because my dad is/was an extremely successful business man who started with nothing to owning a 30 million dollar company. My uncle was the same. Started from nothing, now he's a millionaire and just looking for places to put his money to make more money. My dad ultimately got kind of screwed but he's set for life, so, he's ok.

JonnyAngle wrote:
Residential properties are peanuts compared to commercial properties.

Are you looking to own the business or just the buildings?


Hah! You're absolutely right about them being peanuts man! That's why I have to grow the way I'm growing. To build enough equity and capital to pull off a large loan. It takes some time and good portfolio. I'm on my way though! I have the LLC, pay on time without a hitch, take care of everything needed and have cash rolling in each month. It's not a lot, but it's money to live off of. My brother is a few steps ahead of me, but he's younger and not as cautious. I tend to move a bit slower and am picky about the properties I choose.

I'm not looking to rent the buildings, that's a whole new level of nightmare. LOL! Commercial renting can be lucrative, but it's a grind. My cousin is a broker and he does shit like that. He started in commercial and made a lot doing it.

My end goal is to own and sub out management for several different places. It doesn't really matter what, I just have my preferences. As long as the bank roll is right, I'm good. For instance, my Uncle owns a storage unit in Grandview, MO and he paid I believe 2 mil. He nets 200k after expenses, which is pretty damn good. That's just the tip of what he has though, but he had to work really hard to get there. Once you get one though and it's successful and pulling in cash, banks look at you differently. The key is buy things that you can easily turn around if you had to, otherwise you need to put back enough cash to roll those businesses in the event that they stop producing until you can sell.
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby JonnyAngle » Fri Jun 02, 2017 3:22 pm

My mentor didn't buy his first property until he was 45.
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby Jesus Was a Robot » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:07 pm

I figured I'd give an update as I found myself in a compromising position once again.

I am and will always be an addict. What am I addicted to? Well, you name it and I probably have had an issue with it.

Over the last 6 months or so, I found myself abusing Kratom once again. It started off innocently enough. I was depressed, hurting and trying to gain control of my sanity. Day after day, I'd take it until one day I noticed it no longer was working for me. So, I increased my dosage. That worked a bit, but then eventually it did nothing again, so I switched strains, that did the ticket.

While on Kratom, I once again made some extremely poor financial decisions. Over the past two months I spent 5k on different things, and honestly some of them I don't even remember buying. The boxes are still coming in the mail. This has devastated me on many levels as well as my family. We cannot afford to take on that debt but I made us take it on. I am self destructive.

Things that have attributed to me wanting to get out of my fucking head this year, well there are many but the top are-

My mother in law having a stroke, then moving in with me, then not moving out. So I lost my peace and quite and feel like a prisoner in my own home. I know that's not her intent obviously, but why is she still here? When will she leave? I'd say probably never. It's like having another kid but worse (not that kids are horrible).

My brothers divorce has taken a toll on me. I shouldn't even have to think about it right?? Wrong. I've been thrown in the middle. I went from being more on my sister in laws side to hating her guts. She's a liar, a manipulator and is trying to take money from my family because she's angry. I am being called into court now and so is my wife and my mother because she will not settle with my brother. Their marriage was always a wreck and of fucking course their divorce is now as well. She is making my entire family suffer right now and I hate her.

I spent 30k in fixes on properties because my realtor is a stupid douche bag. I was sold properties and he did not properly have my back on the deals and I ended up down shit creek without a paddle. I had to throw so much money in that now I'm going to spend probably the next 5 years paying down my loans so I can make some decent money. It will be worth it in the long run, but I'm really upset by all this. I did what I thought was right and of course I get my ass handed to me.

I've almost all together stopped going to the gym. I gradually stopped going and now I just cannot seem to get myself back into it. The gym was my life before and now I'm so fucking depressed I don't even want to get out of bed. Most days I look forward to night time because I know my brain will shut down and I'll be able to relax.

I've stopped eating as healthy as I used to as well. I've just kind of given up in general on life. I'm lethargic, pessimistic and over all want to escape.

I no longer see ILF as a safe haven. I see it as a burden and a lot of times an annoyance. I love everyone here but I get into fights all the time now. I don't know why.

So because of all this bullshit, I started last week to go back to my physiologist. He recommended me weaning myself off the Kratom (don't take it, just don't) and I tried for a week then threw it in the fucking garbage. I don't care if I have withdraw. I'm done.

I want to turn my life around again and I feel like I can but this has been one of the hardest years of my life. I feel like I'm on the bring of a complete and utter meltdown.

One day at a time I suppose. I'll keep pushing ahead, but I may disappear from here after SS is done. If for anything to save you all from me.
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"Also this thread is now on page 2399, and the pt2399 is the most used delay chip for most dirty delays. Coincidence? therefore 9/11".

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Thanks Obama"

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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby Chankgeez » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:16 pm

Feel better soon, Adam. :hug:

I just read this article on kratom: https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/health ... ailsignout
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby actual » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:17 pm

deleted cause J probably saw it and it doesn't need to be public record
I wish you the best. Don't leave.
Last edited by actual on Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby coldbrightsunlight » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:21 pm

One day at a time is right. You can get through this, it sounds like you're making the right choice to speak to a professional and stop taking stuff. Try to go to the gym, exercise can really help mental health, it certainly has kept me going at some times in my life when I've been depressed. Don't think you're a burden on us dude, I for one would be sad to see you go but I just want you to get healthy and happy. :hug:
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby $harkToootth » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:30 pm

:hug: One day at a time brother. That's all you can do. Time can only go forward so after a succession of good days, you'll eventually look back and see you dug yourself out of this rut (because I have 100% belief you can get yourself out of this :hug: ).

However you are thinking right now...keep it up. Start moving. You can do it brother!
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby Paul_C » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:12 pm

Wow, you have my sympathy as I know all too well that depression isn't a fun time.

I won't bother with my story as it's nothing special, but I'm almost full to the brim with anti-depressants and still feeling pretty miserable.

The one thing that's currently providing a happy place is goofing around with pedals that do unconventional things, which is why I've popped up again on ILF after a gap of a couple of years.

If nothing else I've picked up a CT5 and a Rainbow Machine (soon ;) ) which are doing a fine job of taking me somewhere better :)

I wish you all the best with everything, especially the Kratom, which sounds nasty - my distraction of choice used to be alcohol, but this time round I've kept well away from it, so I haven't put on huge amounts of weight and don't wake up feeling like crap every day.

Take care, and hopefully 2018 will see things improve.
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby jrfox92 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:26 pm

Jesus Was a Robot wrote:He recommended me weaning myself off the Kratom (don't take it, just don't) and I tried for a week then threw it in the fucking garbage.

Whoa, I just saw this, too: FDA warns of injury, death with herbal supplement kratom
Since I always forget:

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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby PeteeBee » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:45 pm

Sorry Adam, that's a lot of life to be all happening at once. I know that I really enjoy your presence on here and am sad that it feels like such a negative space. Sending positive thoughts and prayers! Just such hard shit.
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Re: Depression rears it's ugly head again

Postby Jesus Was a Robot » Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:44 pm

Thanks guys, once again.

I read that article this morning as well. Guess it was a sign.

I've been off that shit for two days, and it's ok. I'll get through this.

The other stuff will all be something I can get through as well.

I don't know how perspective people are to this but I had an ILFer PM me a few months back (sorry I don't recall who) and they were asking if I was still struggling with the Kratom addiction. I think I may have said no, which was a lie but it was mainly one I was telling to myself.

If the DEA and FDA want some testimony, I'll give it to them. This shit ought to be illegal. It's almost worse than any other drug I've done and I've done a lot.

So I feel you on the coke front. I used to do a LOT of coke when I was younger. It was not good.

I've been an addict off and on for like 20 years. :(

I was legitimately clean from everything for about 6 years. I feel as if I cheated myself..

However, I stayed away from alcohol and that's not something to balk at I suppose. My doctor even said that it's good I didn't go back down that path, though I was tempted many times.

I need to learn stress management. I'm hoping he'll help me again.

A new Adam will be born out of the ruins and I know I'll be ok. I'm just one lucky fucker to have such a good support system, here and in real life.
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- The Velvet Hammer

"#I'mwithJwar"

-D.O.S.

"Also this thread is now on page 2399, and the pt2399 is the most used delay chip for most dirty delays. Coincidence? therefore 9/11".

-multi_s

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Thanks Obama"

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