Matt Pike Facts

[samzadgan]

When Matt Pike gets cold, he doesnt wear a t-shirt, he just tells the sun to warm the fuck up and it does.

When Matt Pike wants to get a buzz quickly he doesnt bother doing shots, he just drinks some drunk guy's blood

[Iommic Pope]

Fact: Since NASA shut down the SETI program, our only hope of finding intelligent life from deep space is blasting Matt Pike's riffs as loudly as possible into space. Unfortunately the world will never be able to build and successfully power an amplifier capable of such awesomeness, as it would no doubt drain our sun, let alone sustain the structural damage such an amp would wreak, ironically destroying all life on earth in the process. Except for Matt.

Fact: Matt doesn't actually use any stompboxes, he just stamps his foot on stage and his amps fear him so much they work themselves into natural saturation. As though they were pissing themselves to death in terror of his wrath, electronically. Matt doesn't actually plug his amps in either, they are powered simply by his riffing, a natural energy not yet recognised by mankind as being capable of ending our dependance on fossil fuel.

Fact: The only reason anyone has ever paid for marijuana is because Sleep wrote Dopesmoker. It was free until an ancient prophesy foretold a shirtless axeman and his band of wizard warriors would bring the ultimate doom and smoke the plant to the brink of its existence, nearly wiping it from the face of the planet. In 1996, Sleep fulfilled the prophesy....then traveled back in time to tell the initial prophets about it, as they believed a bunch of ancient druids would probably really dig the record. Sadly, because they were so bent, they forgot that the druids would have nothing to play the album on. They floated back to their own timeline in a dope bubble. Matt's shirt has been lost ever since, and in anticipation of the world's supply of cannabis running out, it became a commodity to be traded for.

Fact: Best thread ever. Thank you, Sam.

[Krosis]

Fact: Matt Pike is Chuck Norris' favorite guitar player.

[samzadgan]

Chuck Norris was in a bar roundhouse kicking everyone in sight until he reached the stage where Matt Pike was riffing shirtless...Chuck Norris stopped, sat down and drank his beer.

[samzadgan]

In 1000 years, all fairy tales will start with the line..."once upon a time there was a shirtless man who riffed..."

[skullservant]

Matt Pike's handle bar moustache has a name. That name is FEAR. You will FEAR the stache.

Matt Pike's amps aren't actually plugged into the wall for power. He supplies them with his own electricity through his RIFFS.

[Krosis]

Matt Pike got an endorsement deal from a clothing company. He told them he'd take their money but he won't wear their shirts. The company was cool with that.

[samzadgan]

Matt Pike has several children through out the world...but he doesn't make any alimony payments. It was established in the case of Pike against Smith, the plaintiff's charge of Alimony was denied by Judge Richardson due to the defendants ability to create ridiculously good riffs. Judge Richardson decreed that Mr Pike's riffs are so powerful that children and their mothers can lead wealthy lives through the experience of hearing these riffs. However Judge Richardson, was not done there, he ordered Mr Pike to provide clothing to his children in addition to the riffs, in the form of t-shirts.

To this day, any money Matt Pike spends on t-shirts he sends it to his kids around the world...along with massive riffs!

[t-rey]

Matt Pike's amps are actually set 100% clean, they distort completely out of respect for his riffs.

[AxAxSxS]

Behind Matt Pikes belly is another Les Paul.

Chuck Norris once challenged Matt Pike to a fight.
Matt Pike picked up his guitar and proceeded to play "Master of Fists"
They had to send the Marajanaughts through the dopesphere to retrieve Mr. Norris from deep space.

[samzadgan]

Matt Pikes belly contains one of the dimensions of hell, which expands as more and more souls are banished to this dimension. The heat from his belly means he cant wear a t-shirt, the shit will just burn off, the only thing that will survive resting against it is a thick ass les paul.

[Iommic Pope]

A Les Paul made from the mother of all weeds, the largest growing specimen growing a planet not unlike Kashyyyk, several undiscovered galaxies away, millions of years old, with a trunk diameter larger than most cities on earth.
Matt managed to fold time and space when we traveled there by decoding some lyrics Al had absent mindedly scribbled down on a kebab wrapper one evening while channeling rhythms and riffs from the ether, directly from the cycle of Brahma they were in at the time (about the equivalent of 4x the age of the universe as it is known to regular humans of our dimension). When Matt arrived, he felled the tree with a riff that he hummed, acapela, then bought the cut home to our time to be made by Les himself.
Nobody noted this fact as anybody that came within a 5 mile radius of the cut was immediately bombed out of their skulls on contact.
Except for Matt.
A side effect was that it planted the seed for the beat and counter culture revolutions of the 60s.

Fact: Matt Pike built the fucking pyramids by yelling and playing at the sand.
It took about 4:55 to do.
There were no Egyptian slaves, just mother fuckers who happened to inhabit the surrounding continent.

Fact: Matt took Des Kensel back with him once to try and make Atlantis even cooler.
The Des factor proved to be too powerful.
We all know what happened.

[Jakezor]

http://www.metalsucks.net/2010/09/16/matt-pikes-top-ten-t-shirts/

I don't know where #2 came from...

[Krosis]

A few of those metalsucks fans don't seem to care much for Matt Pike not wearing shirts jokes based on the comments. Oh well, they're probably deathcore fans anyway.

[Jakezor]

I rarely bother reading the comments. Wouldn't take it personally, million monkeys at a million keyboards and all.